i could never swim like everyone else ( and i won't start trying now)

birthday fun and sage advice

Birthdays are good because they remind you to assess where you have been and where you are going. This year, that all worked itself out rather nicely.

On Saturday, my friends came out to wish me well. I felt so loved and supported. Life's little ups and downs come and go and friends help you through. I am so grateful for mine.

I am authentically me and couldn't be more proud of myself. I love my husband, I love my life, my doggies and I can't wait to start our family. It's a new dawn, its a new day.

On this note, I officially end my blog. Aggravated no longer. Nope. I am a very lucky girl. I make a promise to myself to always look before I leap, but to always leap. I vow to trust my instincts, give freely my trust - but only to those who've earned it. Most important, recognize each day as a gift.

What shall I do tomorrow...

P.S. still reviewing old entries for a quick list of favorites.

ok, i lied, life happens

So, this is my next to last post. Life happens. Shayne had her second baby, Colman Augustine Watts, two days ago. She and hubby Randall had fun updating all their friends on Facebook along the way. I felt like I was with her. So beautiful. A fitting note to end on, don't you agree? I love you, Shayne. I hope someday I am half the mother you are. Thank you for always being my friend. Thank you for being my inspiration.

last post (well, next to last)

So this will be my last post on Aggravation Nation. I decided. Its done. It has been five years, five fun years of bitching, complaining, and vent city. No more. I am all out.

You may have noticed ,for quite some time, I haven't posted many aggravated posts. I kept searching for things to write about, kept wanting to tell delightful little stories instead. So, done.

See, I was reading this...



for the hundreth time and something dawned on me. I am not angry. I haven't been angry for so long. Now, I am just in the habit of behaving like someone with an anger issue. I think I'm done with that too. For any of my friends and family, right now, I doubt you believe me. I don't care. It doesn't make me want to show you, or convince you, or argue my point. I'm really just done with aggravation. It took me five years of keeping a journal online to realize the end of a lifetime of pent up frustration left over from childhood. What was I so angry about? Nothing that other people aren't. We all have struggles. I still do, I am just ok with that now. Even Basil Fawlty called it quits after thirteen episodes. Who can be that angry all the time?

So thankful and happy to have my life. To have Frank as my life partner in this topsy- turvy world makes me wake up every day smiling and ready for anything. We are a team and that keeps me grounded. Having Soda and Penelope remind me what is important, the here and the now. That is all. Being far away from my much missed family makes me more greatful for all the time we spend. I am in a good place.

I think I was starting to see myself as a problem of some sort. A person who complains too much. And, so as not to start becoming that, I resign to stop indulging that aspect of my psyche. I have been heard. Finally.


I had to get out of this blog thing before I started posting about my shampoo or conditioner of choice, what I ate for breakfast, or various other unimportant musings. I'll keep that, along with all my complaints, to myself.

I will continue to journal and to write, but concentrating on screenplays and sketch ideas which I've put off for far too long in fear that I just wasn't good enough. Now, I don't mind so much if I'm not. It feels good to let go.


PS>> The LAST post will be a post of all my fave highlights from the blog. Coming soon...

a dog's life

This innocent face...
















this little angel...
















this mischevious mutt has committed a heinous crime.





















He acted like a dog





















and killed two of these.















Frank and I are traumatized, needless to say. Soda came trotting up with the second one as if to present it to me. "Here, Ma, look what I got!" The image of an adorable dog with an even more adorable bird dead in his mouth made me cry for all of animal kind.

Well, he IS a Yorkshire Terrier. They are intended to hunt and kill birds and rodents - do they have to be so damned good at it? Tragic. Truly an example of survival of the fittest.

why?

What is wrong with the original Footloose that they want to redo it with some little wimpy guy from Gossip Girl?

I mean, his name is Chace!  It isn't even a remake of the original, per se, but of a musical derived from the original. Really?

Remember Hairspray? The original Hairspray was filtered three times over and spit out sans any interesting content. It was so generic, there was no trace of Jon Waters - that's hard to do.

In any case, Kevin Bacon is not worried. He's gotta cut loose.

our little doggies

cry me a river, lady

Evidentally, Jessica Biel has got it real hard. She's been type cast as being too modern, or hot, or sexy or whatever so she "doesn't even get seen" for a role. "It just hurts," she says, wiping the tears from her sexy little eyes.

Let's trade. I just went out for an audition that called for "not too hip, not too cool, not too fat." Hmm... Yeah, you do the Wendy's commercial audition and I will struggle with your career. I think that's fair.

Well...  I could pull that shit off...

check it

What happens when Jay Z and Radiohead get together? Probably nothing. Tom Yorke would, of course, be condescending and an ass... Don't despair, because these guys make it happen.

Check it.

muffin top

Stop it!









We see you and we don't like it.
















Even if you tuck in your shirt...

secrets, discovered by a MOM!

Ever notice those adds on the corner of most sites advertising skin cream, teeth whiteners, cures for the common cold; all discovered by a mom.

A mother did this? No. Are they really that smart? What are we to think that mothers are so incapable of coming up with a good idea that it must be so pointed out? Our fake mother even used the phrase "dumb luck" when referring to her tooth whitener discovery. Must be. You are, after all, just a woman.

Every woman is someone's mother or sister or aunt. What of it, huh? What is so bothersome is that these are all just little marketing scams that target other women. We are supposed to click on the link to the miracle skin cream and will proceed to be bombarded with offers on "other great services and opportunities." So, by exploiting our sisterhood, these people make some money. Moms are not thus automatically trustworthy. Being a mother only takes a good pair of ovaries and a hospitable womb, technically. I guess, I mean, I wonder who the lady is who makes the decision to click... Not for nothing, but she should probably NOT be a mom.

ha!

The Onion captured our VP up close and personal like...



Truly disturbing.

now you see it...

A very clever art student at the University of Central Lancashire, England did this. Check out her story at the link above.


This girl is terrific!

unfinished

This is me. I am not very good with stress. See my face? That is someone who has no idea what's coming next. It scares me. I have been so busy this month, my head started to spin. This was just after.

I have been auditioning, working, taking care of my house, dealing with minor dramas with self-destructive doggies and aging automobiles. I have worried about money, lack of money, and how to make more of it. I have obsessed about my career. I have decided to put off having children, cause my heart is truthfully not in it right now. I have been saddened by my decision, wishing I was more like some normal broad in Idaho. I'm not. I have questioned my sanity and reached my limit with insomnia. I have started and stalled on a novel. I have written amazing songs, only to leave them unfinished. I have a hanging-chad type life right now. It terrifies me. But, also, it is exactly what I need.

My life is unfinished.

Poor Daryl cannot say that now.

God bless Daryl Hury and his passion for life. I didn't know Daryl very well; but when he was around, he was sure of where he wanted his life to go. He had goals, ambitions and passion. He will be missed.

My life is anything but unmanageable, yet I can't seem to get a handle on my stress.  I think, mainly, I forget I have a partner.  Frank is my rock.  I go off half-cocked into whatever situation comes next and Frank picks up the pieces of my heart that tend to half-shatter.   This is me vowing to be a new type of girl.  I want to be the girl who is cool under pressure. Cool hand Steph.  Maybe I am too sensitive, or maybe the world is just too hard.  Either way, I don't do so hot on my own.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, and hanging-chads eventually resolve themselves (see below).

blah

blahhhhhh. i am so tired from all these allergies.

america the free?

I hate Perez Hilton, but have to commend him for this little line of questioning...




I do feel a bit sorry for her. She isn't going to please everyone, no matter what she says. I am, though, glad that her opponent did not answer. This way, we can PRETEND that she is the glowing representative for all gay causes. When, in fact, I am VERY sure she would have answered the exact same way. Girls who enter pageants are not exactly revolutionaries; they are quite the opposite.

"While campaigning to set back my sex a couple of decades by parading around in a bathing suit while answering tough questions, I also keep abreast (no pun intended) of all important social matters in the most shallow way possible."

I hope, after all these years, that this isn't who America's girls look up to. I mean, this is a pageant ran by Donald Trump. Does he really have his finger on the pulse of our great nation - or somewhere else entirely... What?

suck it tea totalers!

Come on Kentucky, can't we get into the news for something worthwhile? Since most of you were not actually present during history class, bailing out instead to hunt or maybe to farm at the age of thirteen; I didn't really expect you to know of what you now speak.

The Boston Tea Party was an event organized by the colonists (not the football team) in order to make a statement against taxation without representation. Perhaps you did not realize that when you voted for George W. Neanderthal Bush that is just what you got. Representation.


He spent YOUR money to start a war in Iraq. He spent YOUR money to fund reconstruction efforts in said country. He spent YOUR money on tax breaks to the almighty corporation in order to establish shiny new jobs overseas. Yeah, he spent YOUR money to aid the creation of jobs in Mexico, Ireland, and India. Factory jobs, customer service jobs, pretty much any job that someone with merely a high school education could garner. That would be YOU.

Since when is it not a good use of tax dollars to create American jobs, fund American healthcare, or reward American teachers? Have you even read the new budget? Or, did someone bigger and smarter read it for you?

So, now that President Obama is in office, you begin to realize what it feels like to be had. Just one problem - you're at the wrong protest. That happened eight years ago.

bummer (hurt feelings)

Found out that we are getting yet another pay decrease at work. Such a bummer. I keep going over in my head what else I could do for money and I just get angry. I went to school to be an esthetician, just so I could have a part time job other than waitressing that wouldn't take me away from acting and songwriting. After all, I can't think of one good reason to live in LA if not for the entertainment industry. It really is a shitty time right now for everyone, but I have to wonder did we ask for it? I did not.

I worked so hard to get to this point and now this happens. I want to call up and verbally bitch slap every person who voted for George W. Bush. They should have to shoulder the economic slump all on their own. I had a great job eight years ago, only to lose it three years into the Bush administration to some random from Bombay.

While we are doling out Presidential blame, I'll point out that Clinton gave the big corporation the power to royally screw their workers in whatever way they saw fit. De-regulation is disempowering for the little guy.

I haven't the patience or interest to further pursue another job at another spa. I just don't want to go there. I have to focus all my energy on my actual career, look ahead. There are so many of us going backwards right now. Perhaps the universe is trying to slow us down, to reasses, to reflect. I have to believe that, otherwise I am just bummed.

in other words...

Why Fran Healy makes me smile

Let me explain. I grew up with good music, I mean GOOOD. I grew up in Scotland. The soundtrack of my childhood was all that amazing 80's pop that Frank and his pals were obsessed with in high school. Did that at six, people. I am that cool. I feel a longing for the place I grew up. The Port Toon the wee Port, in all its grey glory. I miss walking to Eddie McDade's for a bag of 10p sweeties. No white chocolate mice, please. I miss a girl named Aileen, who wore dangly earrings when she was only six. My Mum never approved of those. Aileen, I would always remember, spelled her name with an A, not like the grown and glamorous girl in the song, "Come on Eileen." This brings me to my point...

I saw Travis again.


Well, watch this...



Wasn't that beautiful? It was a B side called "Sara." The lyrics are about a girl that let her life pass by with drink and song then the party was suddenly over. I was excited to hear it, as I'd just finished a song like that one. Felt like I was on to something very cool.

It got me thinking about how Fran sees what I see. He writes about the bitter and the sweet, the bits and pieces of what makes us human.
He knows the old drunks at the pub, the bustle of the train - just as it arrives at the station, the safe you feel when you wake up cozy in your bed while the rain pours down heavy and hearty on the perfect green grass just out the window. I know he knows my old churchyard, and how we'd take a shortcut through there to get to Granny's faster. I bet he learned to ride his bike on a steep, winding hill and I know he looks out at the Clyde and sees his ancestors sailing away. I wonder did he eat his lunch all alone on the playground because he was much too shy to make friends. Did he draw chalk art on the pavement in front of his flat, only to have it wash away in sudden rainfall? Did he see the irony of living on a street called Sunnyside? I know I did.

those crazy belgians!

Another reminder how artists can truly change the world.

why

did i have to eat that lasagna? arrrgghh!

avoidance

Sometimes I think that unpleasantness can be avoided. Sometimes we just have to put up with it. The trick is, when is it appropriate and when is it just denial?

I have recently discovered (again) that I am wheat intolerant. This has been the single most challenging dietary concern of my life. Sounds dramatic? It is. I love, I mean LOOOOOOVE pizza, cake, cookies, crusty bread, pita pockets...

In any case, I cut them out. They were making me feel terrible and I was certain that if I could find a good substitute, (thank you, Whole Foods) I'd be ok. So far, it has been seven weeks and all is well. Last night, I braved a decadent slice of lasagna - needless to say I regret it.
That's it all done, lesson learned. I think.

Then I think of the people in my life that aren't so healthy. What attracts me to people who aren't good for me? What makes me want to go there? Maybe I want to change them. Maybe I want to change me, to be approved of. Or, maybe, I am just hoping that it will all work out anyway. I have always done this.

Since I was little, I have been on the outside of most groups of girls. It never failed, if there were three or more girls, at least two of them would be off in a corner gossiping about me. I remember one friend who happily went to a snotty girl's slumber party even though the snotty girl didn't want me there. I think I cried for days. Such drama.

I'm a big girl now. If I look at myself honestly, I own a part in it. I always see the best in others, even when they don't deserve it. Some people just suck. Some people will never think of your feelings. Some people just can't.

I had a conversation with a very good friend ( let's call her Mary) the other day and she admitted the same dilemma. One week after her wedding, her supposed best friend cut off all ties with her. Guess she wasn't happy for Mary. Loser. Another girl seethed with jealousy when Mary enthusiastically showed off her new house. Only, to Mary, it just seemed like she was so bored being in her dumb house. She was really hurt. Turns out, that same friend had all the same decor in her house one year later. Loser.

So, that's really it. We are the winners. I get it. Somehow it doesn't make me feel better to know that.

Oh well, at least I'm hot.

nerd

adam lambert is the shit

Omg! American Idol don't know what hit it. Adam blew me away with his beautiful take on Smokey Robinson.

making time for pretty

Today, I got some headshots done. I feel pretty. So, here is the documented proof for posterity... In fact, this has been a beautiful few weeks, I have nothing to complain about or get aggravated with... Perhaps I'll change the site to "Satiation Nation?"

beguiling

why we love jackie tohn

tee hee

gone too soon

My heart is broken for the family of Natasha Richardson. Another reminder that what matters in life is that we take each day as the profound gift that it is. There really is no time for petty differences. We are all here on this planet for varied reasons and it remains our duty to discover them in the name of those who've passed too soon.

it's about time

After Doc Brown made me want one in 1985, I say it is long overdue.

jolene

Bitch oversang my song. Umm Hmm. Don't mess with Dolly. You can't sing Dolly without heart.




Now here's Dolly...



nuf said.

some kind of tomboy

Watching Some Kind of Wonderful AGAIN! I think I am that film. I thinks Watts is the coolest girl in the universe. A girl who looks cute while playing drums is the shit. I heart tomboys. Hell, I am one.

I can't get dressed up without edging things out a little by adding a pair of chucks or some industrial type jewelery. I once wore an actual spring from a washing machine as a necklace because I felt it was original. I just do not feel comfortable in girly clothes. These days, I make a major effort to dress up more, but its not me.

The Amanda Joneses have always alluded me. That whole world of women who wake up, spend two hours on hair and makeup, take up most of the day doing yoga, getting their nails done, and texting their girlfriends... Girls who flirt their way through the rough patches in life, women who don't answer a question straight out, but are frustratingly vague and wishy washy. Women with no opinions that haven't been pre-approved by some man somewhere.

Watts - Amanda Jones? Chicks like her have one thing on their mind and you don't make enough of it to matter to her.
Keith - You can't judge a book by its cover.
Watts- Yeah, but you can tell how much its gonna cost.

Maybe its that classic Scarlett vs. Melanie. Scarlett in all her fervent self-promotion in opposition to Melanie and her no fuss, no muss practicality. Melanie, though, is a bit boring.
A woman doesn't have to be a total doormat martyr either. I guess I'm somewhere in between. I'll wear couture while house cleaning?


I hope in this day and age, there is a place for Watts. You don't have to be a lesbian to rebel against all the societal expectations placed on women. I mean, until we are actually paid the same as men, we should.

So, here's to Watts, Anybodys, Joan of Arc, Agnes Deyn, Kate Moss, Kristen Stewart, and me.
Tomboys are the new black, I'd bet my hands on it.

Look, I was hanging with you fungi in a vain attempt to cool you out, but all I'm getting is breeze, so C'est la vie!

well said, simon

So, now that Jackie is officially booted from American Idol, I have picked a new favorite. Without her presence, I would not be watching. Megan Joy Corkery. Another cool girl singer with three names. She is the coolest gal. Love her voice and I relate to her quirky style. Not for nothing, girl picked a Jerome Kern song for her audition. She's a badass.

we ooo, i look just like buddy holly

Today I finally got my new glasses. It's official, I am getting old. I have a stigmatism. They are really only for night driving, but I feel like Buddy Holly so I will probably wear them all over the place everyday.

the many hairstyles of stephanie jane markham (or my demo reel)

This is my new demo reel. I am really proud of it. Also, my freakin' hair grows fast. I have styled it so many ways and colored it so much that I don't always recognize myself in these clips. What can I say? I'm a chameleon!

where's the hook?

I made the mistake of watching American Idol again, curious who is a better singer than Jackie. There were two standouts, however; the redhead girl and Megan somebody. Other than those, where'd they find these people? Honestly.


One guy decided to ruin a perfectly good Coldplay song. Last week, two people from past seasons came on and (I thought) totally embarrassed themselves singing karaoke versions of poor Alex Chilton's "The Letter." It was like those old vaudeville shows when the hook comes out to pull the offender off stage. I was waiting for the hook...

As a singer/songwriter who knows what she's doing, I have to ask... Why do so many people think they can sing? I mean, really. Who told these people lies? I am not the most amazing singer in the world, but I know my voice. I know how to us what I've got and not to push.

The thing is, you can't manufacture this shit. You either have it or you don't. No television contest that encourages pink hairdos is going to change your abilities.

i heart travis and demetri martin

Getting psyched for the Travis concert in April. Woot! Frank has never been and I can't wait to share it with him.

Here's Demetri Martin being very silly to Selfish Jean.

jury duty musings

Ha! Just got freed from jury duty. Phew. Funny thing I noticed - When the lady called roll to see who did and did not get reimbursed for jury duty, the request was that each person called responded with either yes or no.

I suppose that was too much to ask - eighty five percent of the people called responded with here instead. Like, they were so lazy that they couldn't even engage their brains long enough to answer accurately, even if it meant they ended up serving on a jury by not saying no. People are stupid. This much is true.

Another pet peeve is the use of official-sounding, authoritative speak used by many civil servants in an attempt to communicate an otherwise very simple point.

Like so...

I'd like you to go ahead and tear off your jury badge so that I can go ahead and process it for you. If you are unsure of the correct, right, standard and not-wrong procedure, go ahead and ask or inquire at the desk or front window area place. What?

Are we so apologetic for not having more to say? Are we sorry that we have a very simple point that needs no further explanation. Does it really have to be so complicated, this language that we speak? Come here, go there, eat this, you are beautiful, I am full, we like you, sit over here... Gets to the point. Cleans things up a bit.

Perhaps we should administer a license to talk? Badly chosen words would be a thing of the past.

vote for jackie!

My pal, Jackie Tohn, is an American Idol finalist. This means two things. One, Jackie deserves to be a famous singer/songwriter - mark my words she's gonna win this thing. Two, even though I usually cringe at the thought of it (American Idol, that is), I will be watching every week, faithufully. She will be featured on Tuesday's show, so vote her through! She is talented, funny, and very pretty. Go Jackie!

imitation is the sincerest form of psycho

Alright, now I understand. See what I see?



Now, you must see it. Or, maybe I noticed because I look at faces all day long as part of my job as a facialist. But, you must notice the striking resemblance...
It is, of course, due to a not-so-skilled surgeon. But, then again, this woman has a history of neglecting to pre-screen doctors.






See, lady, there's just one thing...

The taxpayers in California do not want to support your desire to emulate your favorite movie star. Furthermore, you do not have millions of dollars, six nannies, or Brad Pitt to lend a hand. And,lady, half of Angie's kids are adopted. At the very least Angie has that on you. Well, and then the eyes, the lips, and the slim-in-the hips. There is only one Angelina. For now, that's all we can really handle.

wrong time, wrong elevator

So, Stephen Fry was caught in an elevator. As in, he was trapped for a considerable time with four other people. He was in London, so it was techincally a lift he got stuck in. In any case, where was I? Los Angeles. Six thousand miles away from the excitement. I mean, seriously, if there was one person I'd want to be stuck in an elevator with it is Stephen Fry. I have so many things to ask the man. Sigh...
These lucky guys must have had a delightful time with Mr. Fry. Me to the Universe - what gives?

Pray for Kentucky

So, for almost a week now, my family and 600,000 others have been without gas, water, electricity, and phone. An ice storm the likes of which we've never seen, hit hard. When they went out of town far enough, they got cell service, but it has been pretty daunting trying to get hold of them. My nephew, who just turned one, is particularly affected. He has been battling cold after cold and has been in and out of the hospital. Please keep them in your thoughts.

Thanks to my Facebook pals Lee Bishop Prowell, L.J. Granstaff, and Sean Harvey for the pics.

what a maroon?

Yep, I meant maroon. Rachel asked, so here it is...

the angelina syndrome

Okay, so this lady is really something. I guess she didn't get the memo about the overpopulation of our planet. Octuplets. Who is her doctor? What a maroon. She already had six other children, now she gets to raise fourteen because modern medicine makes it so. And, if she already had six other children, why on earth did she want more? I really think people are having kids today just for the fun of carrying around a doll-like infant who smells nice. It is nothing more than a weird trend, like Paris Hilton's chihauhau obsession.

So many celebs are having twins lately. Fertility clinics these days are run like a drive through window. Get a family fast! Skip the years of raising your children one at a time, and have six at once. That way, you can marry at 40 and have your kids to make up for lost time. It is very unnatural. Being a twin used to be something unique. Now, kids come in a set.

Frank and I are planning on having kids soon, but this does make me pause. Do I really want to add to the circus? Know this, twins naturally run in my family. Lord help us if we come by them honestly, but at least we can be en vogue.

not pregnant, sorry mom

Today was tough. Just getting back at the gym after not having been in a long time. I've been sick, out of town, just not at my beloved gym. Well, somehow I lost five pounds and developed a flabby back. Gross.

I decided to eat a light dinner, so I headed to Robecks for an Acai smoothie. Acai flushes fat, so I figured it was a good move.

Well, I guess I was looking none too fly after my workout because the girl said, "You're pregnant, right?" I didn't respond, dumfounded. Wha???

We just wanted to let you know you can't have the boost of vitamins.
What? No, I'm not pregnant. I just came from the gym (having done 150 sit ups, bitch).

She simply said, "Oh."

I was so horrified. Its just my body. I don't have much in the boobs department, so when I eat something, you notice. There are no boobs to distract you. Sad, but true. The weird thing is I felt like George on Seinfeld when he gets caught in the wet swim trunks - desperately trying to defend my manhood (or womanhood).

I wanted to strip naked and show her how hot I really looked under there. But, I did not. I was gracious and let her be nice. I should have just smacked her.

half and half

by the way, we've been here. metropolis, illinois.


On this glorious first day of a new President, I would like to remind everyone that Obama is also half white. Yep! We white people love him also and officially claim him for our race - at least 50% of him anyway.

I realize that being white these days is far less than cool, unless of course you are in the cast of Mad Men...

Am I wrong?

evil eye

When your friend has good news are you happy for her? If your relationship is in the dumps and your new friend just met the man of her dreams do you resent this? Honestly, you might.

2008 was a very challenging year for the United States. Even with all we lost in 9/11, we went on to lose jobs, houses, and faith in our government. Still, compared with many in the world, we've got it made. Why do you think this is on our dollar bill?




This is the Masonic Eye of Providence. Don't ask me what it means, because I really don't know. That little eye is meant to ward off what is commonly called the Evil Eye from other nations, or any person who may mean us harm.

What exactly is the Evil Eye? Don't really know. Or do I? If I am honest with myself, I know I have been guilty of envy lots of times. I am a talented actress living in Hollywood in hopes of a somewhat lucrative career. Meanwhile, casting directors and producers fly in talent from London and Melbourne to take my place in line. Not fair? Nope. Sucks? Yep. But, honestly, what the heck am I doing about it? Nothing. I let go of that frustration years ago, I really did. It is still a hard thing to explain to my mother, who becomes enraged when my career has a downturn. In fact, she says that I have never been a jealous person and that I am oblivious to the fact that others are jealous of me, that maybe I should step back and take note who my real friends are.

That's the part that hurts me time and again. I never seem to realize that my life, my successes, my happiness, could actually offend another person. Never think about it. I am convinced that I have to work five times harder than the average person to accomplish pretty measly goals. Always have. So, if I GET something out of it, I know I've earned it. Problem is, others project their own self-loathing onto you and suddenly you feel guilty for being happy. Sucks, huh? Well, I say, get rid of those people.

I know I have spent way too much time wondering how I can be a better friend/coworker/etc. to this person or that person to the point that I lose myself.
I lose what I need out of the relationship and am pretty much left where I started.
I try to look at others as human beings who make mistakes. I forgive, and truly forget. I'm thinking that the forgetting is the problem. I have to learn to let go of the people and situations that make me feel as if I have to apologize for being me. I know if you look at your own life, you'll find you have these people too. Those that don't really want what's best for you, unless they can edge ahead of you somehow. Look around and be glad that you are all of the wonderful things others envy you for.

i love this woman

for many reasons, i can really relate to naomi watts. she struggled and fought her way to the top. i'm right behind her in line, waiting for my turn and i feel so inspired by her

guru my ass

This ill-informed dermatologist made me very angry today. As if I am not working hard enough to make up for a poor economy, as if people aren't already avoiding the spa. Her comments are no surprise, however. There is a weird prejudice amongst old-school dermatologists. They must be a tad bit threatened by us. I mean, they do not even cover the epidermis in their many years of study. They are DERMatologists, they only cover the dermis. They treat your outer skin like it is some incidental wrapper for your organs. Nevermind if your skin feels tight, painful, suck it up! At least you don't break out - you'll get used to looking like a beet root! They want everyone to smother their faces in harsh retinols and benzoyl peroxide to fight a few pimples. Furthermore, we are hard working state licensed professionals, not some band of reckless rebels. Ok, I'm calming down now.

Frank had a life long battle with cystic acne, that is, until he met me. We do not use one product from a dermatologist. Frank has an entire regime of cleansing, exfoliation, and oil free moisturizing that has revolutionized his skin. Also, what is this obsession with Dove soap? It is a harsh alkaline tempered with mineral oil. Mineral oil, people! You do not put that on your face. It never ceases to amaze me how many people walk around smugly proud of their half-assed skin care routines, as if they've found the fountain of youth. Bottom line, if you cut corners, I can tell. I see your cigarette smoke laced eyes, your "I didn't feel like washing off my makeup before bed" face, your Dove soap clogged pores. I see your broken capillaries from too many cups of coffee, I know when you skipped your sunscreen. I know, cause it is my job to look beyond the obvious.

You can ignore my advice and you'll probably look fine, but if you are interested in becoming a memeber of the "I can't believe you aren't twenty two" club, come on over to my spa. I'll show you around.

oh my goodness!

Up watching the History Channel again, saw this.

Some people are even fighting over it.

Are blankets really this much of a challenge? Come on, America!



Hmmm. My hands ARE always getting trapped inside.

the reader

This is such an astonishingly beautiful film. What makes a person human? What happens when one's pride is more
important than meeting one's basic needs?

Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
Driven time and again off course, once he had plundered
the hallowed heights of Troy.